I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
