He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
