I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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