Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
