the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
