So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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