time to smoke my breakfast
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
