If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
