She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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