you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
