Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
