Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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