I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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