She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
