it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
