The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
