i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
