Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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