i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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