Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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