I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize