I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
