Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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