Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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