maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
