I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize