Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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