Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
