I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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