We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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