i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
