He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
