Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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