left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
