drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
