she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
