I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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