Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
