The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
