I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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