i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't think brook has ever known best
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
