Where is the hickey?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
