fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I still have a little drunk in my system
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
