Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
