whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In other news, I just burned my penis
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
