time to smoke my breakfast
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
