So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
