So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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