Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
