I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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