it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
don't judge my taste in strippers
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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