This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
