Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
