beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
