capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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