Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
