Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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