You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
