Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
