Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
