just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
