His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
