I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
