I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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