So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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