check it out our google latitudes are spooning
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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