Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
