....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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