I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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